I am having one of those days where nothing seems to be right and I am overly critical of EVERYTHING. I find myself reading status updates, headlines and other things only to mentally judge, questions and correct. I seriously had to stop looking at my phone at one point because everything that came into my head was negative and, at times, downright mean. Why? I am not sure why these days of grumpiness creep up. I have no reason to be grumpy. No reason to be judgmental or negative. But I am. It is like I think I, the almighty Katie, can, and would, do it better. But, would I? Isn't that why I sit back and judge? It's much easier to judge and put down than to put myself out there and fail. I think that is why I am too quick to critique. Quick to correct. Quick to judge. Because that is easy. I don't like to fail. I don't like to know someone else can do it better than me. So, let's not even try? Yep. That is how I protect myself.
But I also have to wonder what I am missing by not trying, not putting myself out there. My only hope is that I can get up the courage ... one of these days.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Sweating the small stuff
I sweat the small stuff. I worry endlessly about the crossing of Ts and the dotting of Is...almost to the point of illness. Last weekend I made myself sick by worrying about what I felt like was a huge mistake to find out it wasn't THAT big of a deal. Yes, it was a mistake but a very fixable one. As I sat at my desk Monday still upset about this "mistake," God began to open my eyes to those around me who were dealing with major issues. And while my mistake felt like a major issue to me, it was NOTHING compared to what my friends were facing that morning. I have a friend facing several major life events within a matter of two months with many details still unknown. I found out that one of my college friends is facing breast cancer. And that was all before 8 a.m. I am sure there are many more things my friends were "sweating" that were much more that just "small stuff." In those few minutes God reminded me that my worrying only added to my stress and that I needed to change my perspective.
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Phil 4:6-7 The Message
While we were in the hospital with Riley, we would sit around his spot in the NICU and see families that were facing much greater battles. We watched kiddos come into that hospital and never leave those walls. For every battle we faced, there was another child and their family facing a greater battle within 10 feet of us. It really put things into perspective for me. Despite walking through that battle 8 years ago, I still sweat the small things; and, during those times I am thankful that God puts reminders in my path to help me remember to change my perspective and focus on Him rather than worry.
Both of my friends have such a strong testimony of faith, prayer and confidence in Him as they face the giants in their paths. While I reflected on my friends trials on Monday God reminded me of another thing...despite the giant (or even a "tiny" trial) you may be facing, He is faithful and right there with His children. He is in control and will not give us anything that we can not walk through - WITH HIM.
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it. (I Cor. 10:13 The Message)
Can we do it on our own? No. But with His strength, He will carry us through...even the small stuff.
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Phil 4:6-7 The Message
While we were in the hospital with Riley, we would sit around his spot in the NICU and see families that were facing much greater battles. We watched kiddos come into that hospital and never leave those walls. For every battle we faced, there was another child and their family facing a greater battle within 10 feet of us. It really put things into perspective for me. Despite walking through that battle 8 years ago, I still sweat the small things; and, during those times I am thankful that God puts reminders in my path to help me remember to change my perspective and focus on Him rather than worry.
Both of my friends have such a strong testimony of faith, prayer and confidence in Him as they face the giants in their paths. While I reflected on my friends trials on Monday God reminded me of another thing...despite the giant (or even a "tiny" trial) you may be facing, He is faithful and right there with His children. He is in control and will not give us anything that we can not walk through - WITH HIM.
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it. (I Cor. 10:13 The Message)
Can we do it on our own? No. But with His strength, He will carry us through...even the small stuff.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Just hit me upside the head with it
Do you ever have those days when you are like "OK God, I hear you!"? That was me today. Well, really me the last few weeks. I have been struggling with some thoughts and attitudes about things. For me, one way I deal is to run my mouth aka vent. Talking things out is one of the ways I process events. Figure out things and what step to take next. All healthy things, right? Most of the times, yes. But sometimes, when my venting comes at the expense of others, it is not. All it amounts to is me running my mouth.
And today, God smacked me in the face with that realization. After one of my vent sessions, this verse was posted by a friend on FB.
And today, God smacked me in the face with that realization. After one of my vent sessions, this verse was posted by a friend on FB.
31 Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind).32 And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 AMP
Ouch! I was not being kind or tenderhearted or even useful in my rant. I was spewing anger and bitterness from my mouth. As hard as it may be to swallow, that is not what Christians are called to do. We are called to forgive and be kind to one another. That is hard to do when another is not being kind to you. Yet, we are supposed to rise above and forgive. That is some thing I am not very good at...forgiving. But, if we want God to forgive us we must forgive others.
14-15 “In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part. Matthew 6:14-15 MSG
Ouch again! OK, God I hear you!Wednesday, April 17, 2013
3 a.m.
It is 3 a.m. And once again, I am wide awake with the thoughts of the upcoming day racing through my head. I am not sure why God continues to wake me up, but in recent months, it seems like I have been awake more often than not at this hour. There is not much I can do at this hour without waking up my entire family as we live in a smaller home with a hallway that seems to funnel the smallest sound DIRECTLY into the bedrooms in which my precious babies and hubby rest their heads.
Some mornings I check Facebook. Others it is Pinterest. Some mornings I read the Bible. Today, I write.
My heart has been heavy the past few weeks with several things weighing me down.
Life gets to be too much at times and I just want to run away from it all. But I can't. And I don't. What is the purpose? It will all be there when I get back and, in most cases, the damage or tasks will be greater than when I jumped ship.
So, I find other ways to escape. Not all of them are healthy or productive. I bury my thoughts and feelings. Or I wear them on my sleeve. It seems lately that I have been struggling to find that perfect line to walk. But each day I am learning. Each day I find ways to improve my attitude, improve my outlook and improve my life.
Thankfully each day God reminds me that He is constantly with me. It may be through a song, my children's laughter, the peace that overcomes me when chaos seems to be all around, or the encouraging word from a friend.
I can't imagine what my life would be without my faith and the knowledge that the God of the universe is skillfully weaving the tapestry of my life. He created the heavens, the earth and the stars, but yet He still finds time to hold each teardrop I shed in His hands. He has parted seas, walked men out of fires, conquered giants but yet He finds time to tell me that He is in control and He only wants the best for my life.
Just the thought of that overwhelms me. Who am I that the great I Am cares so much about me to send me a kind word just when I needed it most? Who am I that even though I don't deserve them the Lord of All showers His blessings upon my life? In this world, I may be just number, a spec. But, to my Adonai, I am His daughter. His child. His creation. His love.
Some mornings I check Facebook. Others it is Pinterest. Some mornings I read the Bible. Today, I write.
My heart has been heavy the past few weeks with several things weighing me down.
Life gets to be too much at times and I just want to run away from it all. But I can't. And I don't. What is the purpose? It will all be there when I get back and, in most cases, the damage or tasks will be greater than when I jumped ship.
So, I find other ways to escape. Not all of them are healthy or productive. I bury my thoughts and feelings. Or I wear them on my sleeve. It seems lately that I have been struggling to find that perfect line to walk. But each day I am learning. Each day I find ways to improve my attitude, improve my outlook and improve my life.
Thankfully each day God reminds me that He is constantly with me. It may be through a song, my children's laughter, the peace that overcomes me when chaos seems to be all around, or the encouraging word from a friend.
I can't imagine what my life would be without my faith and the knowledge that the God of the universe is skillfully weaving the tapestry of my life. He created the heavens, the earth and the stars, but yet He still finds time to hold each teardrop I shed in His hands. He has parted seas, walked men out of fires, conquered giants but yet He finds time to tell me that He is in control and He only wants the best for my life.
Just the thought of that overwhelms me. Who am I that the great I Am cares so much about me to send me a kind word just when I needed it most? Who am I that even though I don't deserve them the Lord of All showers His blessings upon my life? In this world, I may be just number, a spec. But, to my Adonai, I am His daughter. His child. His creation. His love.
My Adonai
In the days following Riley's death, Shane and I began planning a funeral. I can remember speaking to my family friend and youth minister who would officiate the service and simply not knowing a topic for him to share. Shane and I knew immediately that "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me would be one of the songs played at my little one's funeral. It took me much longer to find another song. I purchased CDs, I listened to this one and that one and I could not find a song that fit the feelings that were inside of me. Finally I heard a song by Avalon, Adonai. It is not a traditional song one links to a funeral but in the moment that I heard the song I knew it was the song for Riley's funeral. It put into words the feelings that were inside of me.
One single drop of rain
Your salty tear became blue ocean
One tiny grain of sand turning in your hand
A world in motion
You're out beyond the furthest Morning Star
Close enough to hold me in Your arms
Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai
You're Maker of each moment
Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai
One timid faithful knock
Resounds upon the Rock of Ages
One trembling heart and soul
Becomes a servant bold and courageous
You call across the mountains and the seas
I answer from the deepest part of me
Adonai (Adonai), I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai
You are Maker of each moment
Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai
Oh, From age to age you reign in Majesty
And today You're making miracles in me
Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai, You are Maker of each moment
Oh, Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai
As big as God is, He still found time to hold me in His arms. He is the maker of each moment. He is the Father of my hope and my freedom. And He made a miracle in me.
One single drop of rain
Your salty tear became blue ocean
One tiny grain of sand turning in your hand
A world in motion
You're out beyond the furthest Morning Star
Close enough to hold me in Your arms
Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai
You're Maker of each moment
Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai
One timid faithful knock
Resounds upon the Rock of Ages
One trembling heart and soul
Becomes a servant bold and courageous
You call across the mountains and the seas
I answer from the deepest part of me
Adonai (Adonai), I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai
You are Maker of each moment
Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai
Oh, From age to age you reign in Majesty
And today You're making miracles in me
Adonai, I lift up my heart and I cry
My Adonai, You are Maker of each moment
Oh, Father of my hope and freedom
Oh, my Adonai
As big as God is, He still found time to hold me in His arms. He is the maker of each moment. He is the Father of my hope and my freedom. And He made a miracle in me.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
My miracle
Eight years ago today, I became a mommy. He had ten fingers, ten toes, red hair and his daddy's ears.
Labor pains woke me up in the early morning hours and as the contractions became closer and stronger, Shane, my mom and I made our way to Springfield. I can remember calling my boss to let her know I would not be in to work that day. I can remember screaming at Shane to go faster as the contractions ripped through my tummy. I remember being scared of what was coming. Not knowing if we would hear our son cry, how much time we would have and what the future, short and long-term, held for our little family.
Early on in my pregnancy, we learned Riley was special. We learned his kidneys were filled with cysts and that caused a chain reaction of issues that left more unknowns than certainties when it came to his life.
Despite the odds stacked against him, my brave son continued to thrive and fight. Through every ultrasound, every doctor's visit, every meeting with specialists, Shane and I prayed for a miracle. I can remember praying as the ultrasound tech put the wand to my belly that the cysts would be gone and that his kidneys would be fully-functioning and normal.
Toward the end of my pregnancy, that prayer changed to "Just two minutes with him, Lord. Please. I want him to know his mommy and daddy and how much we love him."
I can't remember the number of times I uttered that prayer.
Eight years ago today, God answered my prayer. He gave us more than "just two minutes." Much more. He gave us a lifetime with Riley - condensed into six, surreal weeks. In those six weeks, we received a glimpse of who are son was. His orneriness. His temper. His unbelievable fight to live. His love. And the fact that he KNEW who is mommy and daddy were.
My time with Riley taught me many things. The power of prayer. The strength of my faith. The pride of being a parent. The amazing compassion of others. God's divine timing. And, most importantly, to believe miracles. Because my son was one.
Happy 8th Birthday my sweet Riley.
Labor pains woke me up in the early morning hours and as the contractions became closer and stronger, Shane, my mom and I made our way to Springfield. I can remember calling my boss to let her know I would not be in to work that day. I can remember screaming at Shane to go faster as the contractions ripped through my tummy. I remember being scared of what was coming. Not knowing if we would hear our son cry, how much time we would have and what the future, short and long-term, held for our little family.
Early on in my pregnancy, we learned Riley was special. We learned his kidneys were filled with cysts and that caused a chain reaction of issues that left more unknowns than certainties when it came to his life.
Despite the odds stacked against him, my brave son continued to thrive and fight. Through every ultrasound, every doctor's visit, every meeting with specialists, Shane and I prayed for a miracle. I can remember praying as the ultrasound tech put the wand to my belly that the cysts would be gone and that his kidneys would be fully-functioning and normal.
Toward the end of my pregnancy, that prayer changed to "Just two minutes with him, Lord. Please. I want him to know his mommy and daddy and how much we love him."
I can't remember the number of times I uttered that prayer.
Eight years ago today, God answered my prayer. He gave us more than "just two minutes." Much more. He gave us a lifetime with Riley - condensed into six, surreal weeks. In those six weeks, we received a glimpse of who are son was. His orneriness. His temper. His unbelievable fight to live. His love. And the fact that he KNEW who is mommy and daddy were.
My time with Riley taught me many things. The power of prayer. The strength of my faith. The pride of being a parent. The amazing compassion of others. God's divine timing. And, most importantly, to believe miracles. Because my son was one.
Happy 8th Birthday my sweet Riley.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Detoxing
Yesterday I had a foot detox. It was pretty interesting to see what the color, texture and particles in my water could tell someone about the workings of my insides. The procedure made me think about my diet and more importantly, my life.
People detox for a variety of reasons. Some detoxes are forced, or required, in order to survive while others are by choice and used to improve areas of your life.
At various points in my life, I have gone through a cleansing of my system. I have given up soda...only to sneak one here and there at time. I have learned that one soda every once in awhile is about all my system can take anymore. I drink too many and I break out in hives.
I have given up carbs ... that only worked for a few days. But my foot detox clearly revealed that carbs are something that I need to have in moderation. Too many and my system becomes out of sync and toxic.
While most people think of detoxing their actual bodies, some cleansings have taken place by eliminating things from my life. I have changed my radio station in the car to Christian music (well, unless the kids are listening to their Toy Story CD). I have let friendships go that held me back or drained me. I given up certain television shows because I felt like the message they were sending was wrong for me and my family. I could go on and on about the things that I have given up in order to be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend and a better me. And there are many more things that I need to give up.
Why? Because at the heart of detoxing is removing the bad, the toxins from your life and replacing them with good, healthy things that build you up, not tear you down. I like how The Message explains the Bible's form of detox:
So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2
What this says to me is that I have to get rid of the toxic energy in my life. Those things that drain me of me energy. Drain me of my joy. It may not be the norm or what the world thinks is right. Instead, I must focus on what is good, what is healthy for my body, my life and my family. And not just my physical body but my spiritual and mental self as well.
What areas in your life do you need to "detox?"
People detox for a variety of reasons. Some detoxes are forced, or required, in order to survive while others are by choice and used to improve areas of your life.
At various points in my life, I have gone through a cleansing of my system. I have given up soda...only to sneak one here and there at time. I have learned that one soda every once in awhile is about all my system can take anymore. I drink too many and I break out in hives.
I have given up carbs ... that only worked for a few days. But my foot detox clearly revealed that carbs are something that I need to have in moderation. Too many and my system becomes out of sync and toxic.
While most people think of detoxing their actual bodies, some cleansings have taken place by eliminating things from my life. I have changed my radio station in the car to Christian music (well, unless the kids are listening to their Toy Story CD). I have let friendships go that held me back or drained me. I given up certain television shows because I felt like the message they were sending was wrong for me and my family. I could go on and on about the things that I have given up in order to be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend and a better me. And there are many more things that I need to give up.
Why? Because at the heart of detoxing is removing the bad, the toxins from your life and replacing them with good, healthy things that build you up, not tear you down. I like how The Message explains the Bible's form of detox:
So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2
What this says to me is that I have to get rid of the toxic energy in my life. Those things that drain me of me energy. Drain me of my joy. It may not be the norm or what the world thinks is right. Instead, I must focus on what is good, what is healthy for my body, my life and my family. And not just my physical body but my spiritual and mental self as well.
What areas in your life do you need to "detox?"
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Friends are friends forever
"...if the Lord's the Lord of them."
Anyone remember that song? I think I cried at that song more times than I can count at graduations, youth camps, musicals, etc. during my teenage years. The Michael W. Smith song became an anthem for our generation. But it is so true.
As I look at my life, God has always provided me with friends. Throughout the years, some of those friendships have faded into non-existence and others have continued to flourish.
Yesterday was one of those days where the various friendships from each chapter of my life came together to brighten my day. I had a friend from the early years of Shane and I's marriage email me with an encouraging word. I had a wonderful Facebook Group conversation that made me laugh with my best buds from the past 25 years. (Ok, that just makes me feel old! But, believe it or not, I have known these girls since grade school!) I was reminded of the awesome people God has placed in Shane and I's life through our Sunday School class. And believe it or not...it was all through the power of Facebook.
Facebook, while an evil, time-waster at times, has opened the doors allowing me to reconnect and rekindle friendships and to open new chapters in current friendships. But that is another story for another time.
Back to my wonderful friends. Each one of them God specifically placed in my life for a season and a reason. He knew I needed each one of them at various points in my life. I needed them for support, encouragement, laughter, constructive criticism, prayer and a good cry. Each one brings their unique personalities and qualities to my life to make it richer, fuller than it would be without them.
I am so thankful for my friends.
Anyone remember that song? I think I cried at that song more times than I can count at graduations, youth camps, musicals, etc. during my teenage years. The Michael W. Smith song became an anthem for our generation. But it is so true.
As I look at my life, God has always provided me with friends. Throughout the years, some of those friendships have faded into non-existence and others have continued to flourish.
Yesterday was one of those days where the various friendships from each chapter of my life came together to brighten my day. I had a friend from the early years of Shane and I's marriage email me with an encouraging word. I had a wonderful Facebook Group conversation that made me laugh with my best buds from the past 25 years. (Ok, that just makes me feel old! But, believe it or not, I have known these girls since grade school!) I was reminded of the awesome people God has placed in Shane and I's life through our Sunday School class. And believe it or not...it was all through the power of Facebook.
Facebook, while an evil, time-waster at times, has opened the doors allowing me to reconnect and rekindle friendships and to open new chapters in current friendships. But that is another story for another time.
Back to my wonderful friends. Each one of them God specifically placed in my life for a season and a reason. He knew I needed each one of them at various points in my life. I needed them for support, encouragement, laughter, constructive criticism, prayer and a good cry. Each one brings their unique personalities and qualities to my life to make it richer, fuller than it would be without them.
I am so thankful for my friends.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Choosing joy
I am tired. I am emotionally and physically drained. But as I sit here preparing for whatever may come today, I am going to make a focused effort to choose joy.
Why joy?
About a year ago, during a particular trying time, I found this quote. I love it so much it is taped to my computer.
"Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation." Kay Warren
I am a planner. A control-freak. I do not like the unexpected or the unknown. God knows this about me. He created me. He has known me longer than anyone on this Earth. Which is why I know He put this quote in the devotional email one morning. He knew I needed to hear it. He knew I needed to hear that He is in control.
Take a moment and read that quote again. Slowly and think about what it says.
First, "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control." Even when things are uncertain or chaotic, He is there. At times we wonder if He really is there with us. But He is. And not only is He there...HE IS IN CONTROL! He is in control of not just the present situation but "ALL the details of my life."
Next, "the quiet confidence that ultimately EVERYTHING is going to be alright." The phrase "quiet confidence" is a hard one for me to swallow at times, yet so easy at the same time. I am sure that doesn't make sense. Let me explain. When my life is spinning chaotically, my first reaction is to flip out a bit. I vent. I panic. I overanalyze. I jump to conclusions. I work myself up. I am all but quiet. I am all but confident. But once I get all of that chaos out, start processing the situation and I take some time to let go and turn it over to God, there is a peace that overwhelms my system. A peace that helps me to know deep down that everything will be alright. Because, like the first part of the sentence says, He is in control. He has never let me down before. Things may not go the way I plan or want, but in the end, He has never forsaken me.
Now to the final part of the sentence. "...and the determined choice to praise God in every situation." This is the key for me. Once I make the CHOICE to praise Him, that is me saying to the world, "God has got this." Do I still struggle with the path He has led me down? Yes, I am a control-freak and human. My human nature struggles with things that are out of my control. But there is something about turning things over to God and praising Him in the midst of the chaos that is so freeing.
So, in my darkest times, I choose joy.
In my mountain top moments, I choose joy.
And today, I choose joy.
Why joy?
About a year ago, during a particular trying time, I found this quote. I love it so much it is taped to my computer.
"Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation." Kay Warren
I am a planner. A control-freak. I do not like the unexpected or the unknown. God knows this about me. He created me. He has known me longer than anyone on this Earth. Which is why I know He put this quote in the devotional email one morning. He knew I needed to hear it. He knew I needed to hear that He is in control.
Take a moment and read that quote again. Slowly and think about what it says.
First, "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control." Even when things are uncertain or chaotic, He is there. At times we wonder if He really is there with us. But He is. And not only is He there...HE IS IN CONTROL! He is in control of not just the present situation but "ALL the details of my life."
Next, "the quiet confidence that ultimately EVERYTHING is going to be alright." The phrase "quiet confidence" is a hard one for me to swallow at times, yet so easy at the same time. I am sure that doesn't make sense. Let me explain. When my life is spinning chaotically, my first reaction is to flip out a bit. I vent. I panic. I overanalyze. I jump to conclusions. I work myself up. I am all but quiet. I am all but confident. But once I get all of that chaos out, start processing the situation and I take some time to let go and turn it over to God, there is a peace that overwhelms my system. A peace that helps me to know deep down that everything will be alright. Because, like the first part of the sentence says, He is in control. He has never let me down before. Things may not go the way I plan or want, but in the end, He has never forsaken me.
Now to the final part of the sentence. "...and the determined choice to praise God in every situation." This is the key for me. Once I make the CHOICE to praise Him, that is me saying to the world, "God has got this." Do I still struggle with the path He has led me down? Yes, I am a control-freak and human. My human nature struggles with things that are out of my control. But there is something about turning things over to God and praising Him in the midst of the chaos that is so freeing.
So, in my darkest times, I choose joy.
In my mountain top moments, I choose joy.
And today, I choose joy.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Blonde moments
I am a natural blonde. Well, not quite natural anymore, but thanks to my AWESOME stylist, I have beautifully colored golden locks. Even without the help of chemicals, I am still a blonde.
I admit it.
Am I a poster child for the "Oh my goodness!" bobble-head speaking, dizzy blondes? No.
I usually have a pretty good head on my shoulders. Or at least I hope I APPEAR to have a good head on my shoulders! :) However, in some moments, my logical brain fails me and I make a silly decision.
Today was one of those days.
While waiting for the hubby to arrive home with dinner, I decided to start working on the growing pile of dishes in the sink. Between meetings and migraines, the dishes were not a priority for me this week. But as I unloaded the dishwasher I noticed a bit of a build up in the bottom of the appliance. Knowing dinner would be arriving soon, I tried to figure out the quickest way to clean the film out of the bottom of the dishwasher with the least amount of work. I started looking under the sink and found a package of garbage disposal cleaners. And the light bulb glowed bright.
The garbage disposal and the dishwasher flush into the same pipe. They are connected. So, "Why not?!?" I thought!
Instead of throwing the cleaner into the bottom of the dishwasher ... package and all ... as the instructions stated, I simply opened the cleaner and dumped it in. I started the dishwasher and went about my business.
Pretty soon I hear an "Uh oh momma!" from little man. Then I hear a little more urgent "Uh oh momma, uh oh!!!" I run to the kitchen to find suds flowing out of the dishwasher. Lots and lots of blue bubbles rolling all over the floor. I run to the bathroom grab a handful of towels and try to clean up my mess. As I am frantically trying to hide my lack of better judgment, in walks Shane and Madie. Of course, there is no hiding anything with little man right now. So as soon as they walk in, he looks up at Shane and says, "Uh oh daddy!"
Yeah, thanks buddy!
Now, Madie is asking me repeatedly "What is that smell, mom?" I guess the mixture of the cleaner, the film in the bottom of my dishwasher and the water gave way my mistake even more than my darling son.
Yeah, I had a big old blonde moment. Why in the world I thought it was a wise idea to use that cleaner for a purpose other than what its intended use, I don't know. (Kind of like that time I thought it was smart to try and kill the maggot that fell off of the deer antlers onto the floor with the lighter that was in my hand. Yeah, not so smart. Shane still makes fun of me for that.)
But now, I know better ... if it is made for garbage disposals it probably is NOT meant to be used in the dishwasher.
So, who wants to come over and help me get all the suds out of the bottom of the dishwasher?
I admit it.
Am I a poster child for the "Oh my goodness!" bobble-head speaking, dizzy blondes? No.
I usually have a pretty good head on my shoulders. Or at least I hope I APPEAR to have a good head on my shoulders! :) However, in some moments, my logical brain fails me and I make a silly decision.
Today was one of those days.
While waiting for the hubby to arrive home with dinner, I decided to start working on the growing pile of dishes in the sink. Between meetings and migraines, the dishes were not a priority for me this week. But as I unloaded the dishwasher I noticed a bit of a build up in the bottom of the appliance. Knowing dinner would be arriving soon, I tried to figure out the quickest way to clean the film out of the bottom of the dishwasher with the least amount of work. I started looking under the sink and found a package of garbage disposal cleaners. And the light bulb glowed bright.
The garbage disposal and the dishwasher flush into the same pipe. They are connected. So, "Why not?!?" I thought!
Instead of throwing the cleaner into the bottom of the dishwasher ... package and all ... as the instructions stated, I simply opened the cleaner and dumped it in. I started the dishwasher and went about my business.
Pretty soon I hear an "Uh oh momma!" from little man. Then I hear a little more urgent "Uh oh momma, uh oh!!!" I run to the kitchen to find suds flowing out of the dishwasher. Lots and lots of blue bubbles rolling all over the floor. I run to the bathroom grab a handful of towels and try to clean up my mess. As I am frantically trying to hide my lack of better judgment, in walks Shane and Madie. Of course, there is no hiding anything with little man right now. So as soon as they walk in, he looks up at Shane and says, "Uh oh daddy!"
Yeah, thanks buddy!
Now, Madie is asking me repeatedly "What is that smell, mom?" I guess the mixture of the cleaner, the film in the bottom of my dishwasher and the water gave way my mistake even more than my darling son.
Yeah, I had a big old blonde moment. Why in the world I thought it was a wise idea to use that cleaner for a purpose other than what its intended use, I don't know. (Kind of like that time I thought it was smart to try and kill the maggot that fell off of the deer antlers onto the floor with the lighter that was in my hand. Yeah, not so smart. Shane still makes fun of me for that.)
But now, I know better ... if it is made for garbage disposals it probably is NOT meant to be used in the dishwasher.
So, who wants to come over and help me get all the suds out of the bottom of the dishwasher?
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Randomness
Just a quick warning. I have no profound thoughts or specific topic today. (But I am trying really hard to publish every Thursday!) So today, I will bless you with a bit of my randomness! :)
1. I am a bit too opinionated at times. (My hubby and mom will probably say "a bit" is the understatement of the year.) While I am learning to keep my mouth shut as I age, I do tend to spout off from time to time. Thankfully, I have learned to spout off to only a chosen few.
2. There are a lot of Volkswagen Beetles around town. We play "Slug Bug" in the car quite a bit and it seems like there is one on every corner.
3. Speaking of slug bug, isn't funny how when you are playing games with kids they tend to make up new rules in order to win? My daughter has a new rule every time we play. And Ike, well, he always has "10 sug bugs."
4. It is really hard to type with a 2 year old using your body as a jungle gym!
5. I have a problem ... with smiley faces. I use them way too much in emails, texts, Facebook posts, etc. Admitting that I have a problem is the first step. However, I am not sure I will ever be cured. :)
6. Thunder snow and sleet is just weird!
Ok, I have wasted enough of your time today! Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day. :)
1. I am a bit too opinionated at times. (My hubby and mom will probably say "a bit" is the understatement of the year.) While I am learning to keep my mouth shut as I age, I do tend to spout off from time to time. Thankfully, I have learned to spout off to only a chosen few.
2. There are a lot of Volkswagen Beetles around town. We play "Slug Bug" in the car quite a bit and it seems like there is one on every corner.
3. Speaking of slug bug, isn't funny how when you are playing games with kids they tend to make up new rules in order to win? My daughter has a new rule every time we play. And Ike, well, he always has "10 sug bugs."
4. It is really hard to type with a 2 year old using your body as a jungle gym!
5. I have a problem ... with smiley faces. I use them way too much in emails, texts, Facebook posts, etc. Admitting that I have a problem is the first step. However, I am not sure I will ever be cured. :)
6. Thunder snow and sleet is just weird!
Ok, I have wasted enough of your time today! Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day. :)
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Struggling with the juggling
I am a perfectionist. I am proud. At times these two traits get the best of me. This week has been one of those times.
As I sit here at 2 a.m. typing I can think of at least four other things I need to be doing. There is a Valentine's box that needs to be made for a party that is less than 12 hours away. There are volunteers to be found for this weekend. There are floors that need to be swept and laundry that needs to be put away. Oh, and papers to be located and organized for a meeting. Not to mention, it is 2 a.m. and I should be sleeping. But how can I sleep with my mind tossing around my to do list?
Between all the hats I wear during the day, I juggle so many different things. Multi-tasking is the word most commonly used. The last few weeks it seems like my life has been in overdrive and I have been pulled in so many different directions that I have dropped the ball ... too many times to count. The proud perfectionist in me hates to admit that I have messed up. But I have...and in some cases I have messed up big time. I have let many people down. And it seems like the faster I go the more I let down.
I want to just scream "STOP!!" and run away. But I can't. This is my life right now. This is the reality I have to face.
Thankfully, I don't have to face it alone. I have been surrounded by family, friends and, most importantly, my God who are all there to help me stay a float when I feel like I am drowning.
During these past few weeks as I have struggled with juggling everything, God has reminded me of His presence through a variety of ways. Some days it has been through an encouraging word or an unexpected surprise (a good surprise!).
But most days, He has used a song.
When the dust settles and there is a quiet moment, this is what I hear:
"After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me"
It is the chorus from Meredith Andrews' "Not for Moment (After All)."
Those few words have kept me sane. They have kept me grounded as my life seems to be spinning out of control. Normally, a song that is stuck in my head would drive me crazy. But not this one. It is a comfort for me. A comfort to know the Creator of the universe is right there with me. He is constant. He is only good. He will never forsake me.
Wow. What a peace I feel just typing those words. Because, as much as I hate to admit it, I am not perfect. I am not always good.
But He is.
And if I would take two seconds, drop my pride and turn to Him for help as I struggle to juggle my daily life, He will be there.
For after all, He is constant and not for a moment will He forsake me.
Not for one moment.
As I sit here at 2 a.m. typing I can think of at least four other things I need to be doing. There is a Valentine's box that needs to be made for a party that is less than 12 hours away. There are volunteers to be found for this weekend. There are floors that need to be swept and laundry that needs to be put away. Oh, and papers to be located and organized for a meeting. Not to mention, it is 2 a.m. and I should be sleeping. But how can I sleep with my mind tossing around my to do list?
Between all the hats I wear during the day, I juggle so many different things. Multi-tasking is the word most commonly used. The last few weeks it seems like my life has been in overdrive and I have been pulled in so many different directions that I have dropped the ball ... too many times to count. The proud perfectionist in me hates to admit that I have messed up. But I have...and in some cases I have messed up big time. I have let many people down. And it seems like the faster I go the more I let down.
I want to just scream "STOP!!" and run away. But I can't. This is my life right now. This is the reality I have to face.
Thankfully, I don't have to face it alone. I have been surrounded by family, friends and, most importantly, my God who are all there to help me stay a float when I feel like I am drowning.
During these past few weeks as I have struggled with juggling everything, God has reminded me of His presence through a variety of ways. Some days it has been through an encouraging word or an unexpected surprise (a good surprise!).
But most days, He has used a song.
When the dust settles and there is a quiet moment, this is what I hear:
"After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me"
It is the chorus from Meredith Andrews' "Not for Moment (After All)."
Those few words have kept me sane. They have kept me grounded as my life seems to be spinning out of control. Normally, a song that is stuck in my head would drive me crazy. But not this one. It is a comfort for me. A comfort to know the Creator of the universe is right there with me. He is constant. He is only good. He will never forsake me.
Wow. What a peace I feel just typing those words. Because, as much as I hate to admit it, I am not perfect. I am not always good.
But He is.
And if I would take two seconds, drop my pride and turn to Him for help as I struggle to juggle my daily life, He will be there.
For after all, He is constant and not for a moment will He forsake me.
Not for one moment.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
My ray of sunshine
When my daughter walks into a room, you know it. She is no wallflower. She has spunk. She has "personality" as some like to put it. For me, she is a bright ray of sunshine. She is someone special.
I can still remember the night we picked out her name like it was yesterday. Shane and I were waiting for the fireworks to begin at Pomme de Terre and we began naming our future child. We had just lost our precious Riley and we were desperate to fill the void left in our hearts. As the sun set that summer weekend, we decided our daughter would be Madelynn Grace.
Later that fall when we found out we were expecting, we were overjoyed but scared at the same time. We wondered if something else would go wrong as it did with Riley. We were always waiting for the bottom to drop out. Even with all the uncertainty and doubt, we knew this little girl growing inside of me was special. Little did I know just how special.
Madelynn was born on the one year anniversary of Riley's death. Twenty-five minutes apart. She was born at 9:20, he died at 9:45. She was a planned C-section for early June but, for those of you who know Madie, she does things her own way and in her own time. It was a Friday afternoon when my contractions started. I drove myself to the hospital fully anticipating to be monitored for a bit then sent home once they stopped. We were not truly prepared when the doctor came in to say that we were going to have a baby ... and soon. As we talked with my doctor about our options, we debated about waiting until after midnight to deliver her so that her birthday would not fall of the date of Riley's death. I will never forget what Shane said once we decided to deliver her that night. He said: "She will be like a ray of sunshine on a dark day."
She is a ray of sunshine. She is someone special. We joked when she was a baby that she was going to be the doctor who would develop the dialysis catheter small enough to save preemies with kidney issues like her big brother. Maybe she will become a doctor or an actress. Maybe she will follow in my footsteps and become a reporter. She might even become a train engineer. Whatever she decides it will be what SHE wants to be, not what anyone forces her to be.
At the end of the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, there is a scene with Sidda, Sandra Bullock's character the daughter, and her mother Viviane. They are making up after an entire movie of bickering with one another. On the night of Vivi's surprise birthday party, Vivi looks to her daughter and says:
I know she will be someone special.
And she will always be our sunshine.
I can still remember the night we picked out her name like it was yesterday. Shane and I were waiting for the fireworks to begin at Pomme de Terre and we began naming our future child. We had just lost our precious Riley and we were desperate to fill the void left in our hearts. As the sun set that summer weekend, we decided our daughter would be Madelynn Grace.
Later that fall when we found out we were expecting, we were overjoyed but scared at the same time. We wondered if something else would go wrong as it did with Riley. We were always waiting for the bottom to drop out. Even with all the uncertainty and doubt, we knew this little girl growing inside of me was special. Little did I know just how special.
Madelynn was born on the one year anniversary of Riley's death. Twenty-five minutes apart. She was born at 9:20, he died at 9:45. She was a planned C-section for early June but, for those of you who know Madie, she does things her own way and in her own time. It was a Friday afternoon when my contractions started. I drove myself to the hospital fully anticipating to be monitored for a bit then sent home once they stopped. We were not truly prepared when the doctor came in to say that we were going to have a baby ... and soon. As we talked with my doctor about our options, we debated about waiting until after midnight to deliver her so that her birthday would not fall of the date of Riley's death. I will never forget what Shane said once we decided to deliver her that night. He said: "She will be like a ray of sunshine on a dark day."
She is a ray of sunshine. She is someone special. We joked when she was a baby that she was going to be the doctor who would develop the dialysis catheter small enough to save preemies with kidney issues like her big brother. Maybe she will become a doctor or an actress. Maybe she will follow in my footsteps and become a reporter. She might even become a train engineer. Whatever she decides it will be what SHE wants to be, not what anyone forces her to be.
At the end of the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, there is a scene with Sidda, Sandra Bullock's character the daughter, and her mother Viviane. They are making up after an entire movie of bickering with one another. On the night of Vivi's surprise birthday party, Vivi looks to her daughter and says:
"All those years that I prayed that I begged on my hands and knees for God to make me more, give me more,
make me better...
make me stronger...
make me saner...
make all my dreams come true...
I finally got an answer."
"What?" Sidda asks.
"You," replies Vivi. "Right there in one person, all I'd ever wanted to be or do. And there you are."
Each time I watch that scene, I find myself thinking the same thing about Madelynn. I know she will be someone special.
And she will always be our sunshine.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
A change of plans
Do you ever have a change in plans? I planned to have a good day today. I planned to choose joy. I planned to write an entry tonight about joy. But along the way my plans changed.
My day started off good, but my good mood quickly faded after I let self-doubt creep in. I chose joy until the afternoon wall of fatigue stopped me in my tracks.
My blog entry changed when writer's block kicked in. (And more self-doubt. )
Then a little boy decided to help me type.
Isn't it funny how the smallest things can cause a day to take a completely different direction?
Kids have a way of doing that. I really thought our family was complete until I was completely surprised one November night when I saw two lines instead of one on a pregnancy test. I laughed for almost an hour. It was not a giddy, little school girl laughter but a "you have got to be kidding me" laughter. Having another child was not on our radar. But for some reason, God knew we needed another child.
So, our plans changed. We began preparing our lives for another child. But nothing could have prepared us for this precious little boy.
Little man has brought an abundance of laughter into our lives - from the very moment I found out about him.
He is all boy. He loves tractors, helicopters and firetrucks. He loves being loud, playing outside and going fast. This week alone he has been a baby froggy, a baby alligator, a monkey, Caillou, Spiderman and Woody. He climbs on anything and everything. He giggles when he toots. He loves to sing and make people laugh. He melts my heart when he asks, "Mommy, you lay down with me please?"
So, again, my plans change. Instead of finishing the dishes in the sink, I fall asleep singing "Twinkle, twinkle little star" to my baby boy. I know it will only be a matter time that this will change too. One day he will be too big for me to carry him to bed. One day he will no longer ask me to lay down with him at night. But until that time, I will cherish each moment with the little man who changed our plans.
Boy am I glad he did.
My day started off good, but my good mood quickly faded after I let self-doubt creep in. I chose joy until the afternoon wall of fatigue stopped me in my tracks.
My blog entry changed when writer's block kicked in. (And more self-doubt. )
Then a little boy decided to help me type.
Isn't it funny how the smallest things can cause a day to take a completely different direction?
Kids have a way of doing that. I really thought our family was complete until I was completely surprised one November night when I saw two lines instead of one on a pregnancy test. I laughed for almost an hour. It was not a giddy, little school girl laughter but a "you have got to be kidding me" laughter. Having another child was not on our radar. But for some reason, God knew we needed another child.
So, our plans changed. We began preparing our lives for another child. But nothing could have prepared us for this precious little boy.
Little man has brought an abundance of laughter into our lives - from the very moment I found out about him.
He is all boy. He loves tractors, helicopters and firetrucks. He loves being loud, playing outside and going fast. This week alone he has been a baby froggy, a baby alligator, a monkey, Caillou, Spiderman and Woody. He climbs on anything and everything. He giggles when he toots. He loves to sing and make people laugh. He melts my heart when he asks, "Mommy, you lay down with me please?"
So, again, my plans change. Instead of finishing the dishes in the sink, I fall asleep singing "Twinkle, twinkle little star" to my baby boy. I know it will only be a matter time that this will change too. One day he will be too big for me to carry him to bed. One day he will no longer ask me to lay down with him at night. But until that time, I will cherish each moment with the little man who changed our plans.
Boy am I glad he did.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Lingering
I've been reading a book lately. I have had it for a few years now. Just never made the time to read it. But, in starting a new bedtime routine with the kids, I found myself reading rather than turning on the television.
The book is called "The Lazarus Life: Spiritual Transformation for Ordinary People" by Stephen W. Smith. I am not far into the book but I am already starting to see a lesson emerging. We must be patient in our lives, our situations, our troubles and allow God to work.
In the first chapter or two, Smith talks about how even though Jesus knew Lazarus was on his death bed, Jesus lingered a bit longer at his location. He didn't rush back to see Lazarus the way I am sure Mary and Martha had hoped Jesus would when he received the news of Lazarus' state. No, he "lingered."
Think about the word ... linger. Just the way it draws itself out when you say it...linger. It is almost like it is designed to annoy!
I am not good at patience or lingering. In our microwave, fast-food lifestyle, every thing MUST BE DONE THIS INSTANT! Am I not right? I mean, we now have DVRs so we can watch shows without commercials and on OUR schedule. We have Netflix that eliminates the need to go to the movie store. We have fancy coffee machines that brew café style drinks within minutes. We want what we want and we want it now.
How many times in your life have you screamed at God ... "Why are you not helping me? Why are you not answering my prayers?" I know I have. At some points, it was a daily occurrence.
We expect God to answer our prayers in OUR instant universe. But it is not about our timing...it is about His. He is not instantaneous, because He not impulsive. He lingers. And why? Because while we are looking at this second, this minute, this hour, this day, this week or even this month, He sees the big picture. He knows the ending. While we are focused on the details of the situation in front of us, He is working in many different ways so that when He does reveal to us the answer to our prayers, it will bless us even more than we could ever imagine. Trust me .... or better yet, trust Him.
The book is called "The Lazarus Life: Spiritual Transformation for Ordinary People" by Stephen W. Smith. I am not far into the book but I am already starting to see a lesson emerging. We must be patient in our lives, our situations, our troubles and allow God to work.
In the first chapter or two, Smith talks about how even though Jesus knew Lazarus was on his death bed, Jesus lingered a bit longer at his location. He didn't rush back to see Lazarus the way I am sure Mary and Martha had hoped Jesus would when he received the news of Lazarus' state. No, he "lingered."
Think about the word ... linger. Just the way it draws itself out when you say it...linger. It is almost like it is designed to annoy!
I am not good at patience or lingering. In our microwave, fast-food lifestyle, every thing MUST BE DONE THIS INSTANT! Am I not right? I mean, we now have DVRs so we can watch shows without commercials and on OUR schedule. We have Netflix that eliminates the need to go to the movie store. We have fancy coffee machines that brew café style drinks within minutes. We want what we want and we want it now.
How many times in your life have you screamed at God ... "Why are you not helping me? Why are you not answering my prayers?" I know I have. At some points, it was a daily occurrence.
We expect God to answer our prayers in OUR instant universe. But it is not about our timing...it is about His. He is not instantaneous, because He not impulsive. He lingers. And why? Because while we are looking at this second, this minute, this hour, this day, this week or even this month, He sees the big picture. He knows the ending. While we are focused on the details of the situation in front of us, He is working in many different ways so that when He does reveal to us the answer to our prayers, it will bless us even more than we could ever imagine. Trust me .... or better yet, trust Him.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Why a blog?
Do you ever have times in your life when you know you could be doing more but you are not really sure what "more" is? I have been struggling with the feeling of doing more for quite some time now. Am I doing what I am called to do? Or, more importantly, what is my calling?
As a child, I had dreams of being a lawyer or a doctor - doesn't everyone? But sometime around fourth grade, my true calling became clear. I am a reporter. I love to know EVERYTHING and want to be the ONE in the know. Plus, I love sharing what I know with anyone and everyone who will listen some days. I stared to develop my writing skills in high school as a part of my high school newspaper. I perfected my craft in college while contributing to the great - and award-winning I might add - Omnibus. I loved spending time in the newsroom covering this week's breaking story (sod-gate anyone?) or even just putting together the week's sports pages. It was a rush to pick this story or that story for people to read. It was an even bigger rush to see people walking through the union reading the stories I wrote.
After college, I continued my journalism career and thought for sure I would be in the newspaper business for life. But, then I started a family and it was getting harder and harder to leave them at night to cover my beat. And, the perfectionist inside of me was starting to struggle with the constant questioning from the public that comes with the community newspaper. I used to love publication day when the paper hit the news rack and to see people stopping by at 5 a.m. to pick up this week's edition. But, then the calls would start. "You left this out." "Why was this picture on the front page and not the story about my granddaughter?" I got to the point that I cringed each time the phone rang for fears of something else I did wrong. Don't get me wrong I know you can't please everyone, but some days, when the "There was a mistake" outnumber the "Thank Yous" it is hard. So, when a door opened in another passion of mine - education - I took the leap and hung up my reporter's cap and pen.
But now this feeling of doing more and being creative again is overwhelming my spirit. What is that still, small voice deep-down telling me to do? I think this blog is the answer.
I quit writing because I was afraid I wasn’t good at it. Criticism did not sit well with me and I said forget it. Now it is time for me to write again. I feel good about this. I feel like I have some things to share. God would not have given me this ability if he didn’t want me to use it.
What is your calling? What talents or abilities has God blessed you with? Are you using them?
As a child, I had dreams of being a lawyer or a doctor - doesn't everyone? But sometime around fourth grade, my true calling became clear. I am a reporter. I love to know EVERYTHING and want to be the ONE in the know. Plus, I love sharing what I know with anyone and everyone who will listen some days. I stared to develop my writing skills in high school as a part of my high school newspaper. I perfected my craft in college while contributing to the great - and award-winning I might add - Omnibus. I loved spending time in the newsroom covering this week's breaking story (sod-gate anyone?) or even just putting together the week's sports pages. It was a rush to pick this story or that story for people to read. It was an even bigger rush to see people walking through the union reading the stories I wrote.
After college, I continued my journalism career and thought for sure I would be in the newspaper business for life. But, then I started a family and it was getting harder and harder to leave them at night to cover my beat. And, the perfectionist inside of me was starting to struggle with the constant questioning from the public that comes with the community newspaper. I used to love publication day when the paper hit the news rack and to see people stopping by at 5 a.m. to pick up this week's edition. But, then the calls would start. "You left this out." "Why was this picture on the front page and not the story about my granddaughter?" I got to the point that I cringed each time the phone rang for fears of something else I did wrong. Don't get me wrong I know you can't please everyone, but some days, when the "There was a mistake" outnumber the "Thank Yous" it is hard. So, when a door opened in another passion of mine - education - I took the leap and hung up my reporter's cap and pen.
But now this feeling of doing more and being creative again is overwhelming my spirit. What is that still, small voice deep-down telling me to do? I think this blog is the answer.
I quit writing because I was afraid I wasn’t good at it. Criticism did not sit well with me and I said forget it. Now it is time for me to write again. I feel good about this. I feel like I have some things to share. God would not have given me this ability if he didn’t want me to use it.
What is your calling? What talents or abilities has God blessed you with? Are you using them?
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